Friday, January 27, 2012

The Worst Feeling Ever

Little one gave me a scare yesterday so off to the doctors I went to make sure that my body was not contracting.  Thankfully, it was just cramping due to a bladder infection, unthankfully, I have another bladder infection.

I began feeling the painful cramping around 7:30 in the morning, the doctors were not able to get me in until 2:30 in the afternoon.  This means that for seven hours I had myself completely convinced that my body was miscarrying my baby.  Seven hours is far too long to think that.  I hate how my mind instantly goes to that place.  I hate that in those seven hours, even though I was praying to God, I was already losing faith.  I did not handle that time of fear like I should have, but I did not acknowledge that I was handling it wrong until I heard the heartbeat and felt the peace wash over me.  I need to cling to Him when I'm afraid, not immediately doubt Him and His motives.  Why is that so hard sometimes?

I want my faith to be unwavering.


Out of experiencing one of the worst feelings ever, I realized a few good things:


.... my love for this baby is already there and the amount is infinite, I knew I already felt love, but to what degree, I'm not sure


.... my faith always needs work, but especially now


.... i've never doubted Franks love, but yesterday I really, truly saw it... his concern... there are no words expect that I'm a lucky, lucky gal


.... regardless of what God's will is for our baby, He gave it to me, He made me a Mama and I will always be this baby's Mama


Something exciting also happened on this scary as all get out day.


While laying in bed last night, relaxed and watching my favorite shows, baby kicked and I felt it!  Now, I hope this isn't a sign of my baby's timing because that kick would have been really nice a little early on in the day. 


Although good came out of this day, I hope to not have another day like this.  I hate being afraid.  Although according to JLo on American Idol, "fear is good, it makes you do things you wouldn't normally do."


There's power in prayer, so let's do it, always.


{linking up with The Wiegands}

6 comments:

  1. New follower from Casey's page. I'm glad nothing's wrong and I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

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  2. As painful as the reminders can be, it's always nice to remember that God is in control, and has a perfect plan for us. Praying that you have a healthy rest of your pregnancy, and can't wait to see pics of the beautiful baby!

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  3. How scary! It's natural to be concerned about your baby. I'm so glad everything is ok! And by the way, I love your outfit below!

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  4. So glad everything is fine! That had to be so scary. But how awesome that your little babe kicked on that same scary day. Try to have a relaxing, stress-free weekend! :)

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  5. Sending a hug and prayer your way!

    xoxo
    Katie

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  6. Not unnatural thoughts at all! You are completely normal. Remember Laney did not move for 24 hours and I was convinced as well. She even went through 27 minutes of me watching and waiting until she finally moved. You are in my constant prayers and Faith is a funny thing. The fact you were praying, questioning or not, shows you are on your way. (((hugs))

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