Saturday, February 11, 2012

We all have bad days

.... or I sure hope it's not just me, anyway!

I don't know about you, but this is how it is for me: When Frank and I get into arguments, or my parents and I, or I do something stupid or act crazy or whatever I don't have the urge to put it on Facebook, because if I did than people I know personally would know, which I don't want.  For whatever reason though, I do have the urge to talk about it today on here, to a whole bunch of people that I do not know personally.  It's all about being real, right?  Plus, it wouldn't hurt to have a reminder of the bad/tough days, oddly enough, it makes the good days better.  

I hate today.

Well let me rephrase... I loved today until 4 o'clock.  From 9-4 I got to babysit for my very favorite kiddos and then plans were set for me to meet Frank at his house and we were going to go see The Vow.  Frank ever so kindly switched all of our plans without even talking to me.  (I'm sorry if you can't relate, I have no idea how different or the same some things can be between married and not married couples.  Frank and I do practically live together though.)  Not only do I absolutely detest having plans changed on me, I hate how Frank not only does not understand how upset this makes me but also the fact that he doesn't really seem to care.

It was all supposed to be good.

I anticipated life being perfect as soon as Franks court issues were taken care of and they have been anything but that.  We went from one kind of lifestyle to a complete other kind and it happened overnight.  The adjustment has been huge and I have hardly adjusted.  Change is hard, but I thought this would be good change, which would make it easier.  Along with Franks freedom has come a need to hangout with any and everyone that has legs, most of whom I do not care to be around.  I thought he would want to be with me and do all the things we haven't gotten to do, with me.  I hate being wrong.  I hate having high hopes smashed.

I feel unloved.

I feel sad that for the past two weeks we haven't been on the same page.... even remotely.  Of course not every day is bad, most are great, but three days in the past two weeks have been awful and when things get awful I start rethinking my decision to be with Frank, awful right?  Here's a secret about me, when things aren't going great I begin to imagine the rest of my life being as awful as that moment is.  I get scared that I made the wrong decision and that I may have to be a single mom.  Why does my mind go right to that spot now?  I think it might be the need to protect myself and little man that I now feel.  It is intense.  It is a "I know that in order to be the best mom I can be, I need to be the happiest mom I can be, which means I need to rid of the bad days and the people who cause them" feeling.  It's all new and I don't really know much about it except that it kicks in very strongly when I find Frank and I arguing about things that we shouldn't even have to discuss, he should just know.

It's not just him, surely.

I know I play a part in the issues, I just can't figure out which part I play.  I desperately want to be the person at-fault during the fights because than I could fix it and we could be done with fighting about those things.  I know that all couples have issues, some more severe than others, and thankfully ours are severe, they are petty and repetitive, which is very frustrating.  

We all have bad days, right?

8 comments:

  1. Yep we all have bad days and it is going to take some time to get adjusted to the new and big changes that are going on. Hang in there.

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  2. I hope it all works out soon. The rest of your life WONT be this bad, it's just a bad day. Have a good nights sleep and I'm sure it'll already seem better in the morning. We all have bad days ( sadly I'm stuck in a year of them!) but for the most part, things get better. I'm sure you and your man will find a way to make it work.. In my experience though, men never realise how annoying their last minute changes to your well thought out plans are. This is why, even though I love mine, I'm still happy to declare that Boys Suck.

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    1. Thanks girl!!! I totally get into that mind frame where it's seems like the end of the world -- totally annoying! I'm sorry to hear that your YEAR hasn't been good! I hope that things turn around for you soon! Haha, yes boys definitely do suck

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  3. I probably shouldn't weigh in here, but I can't help it :) Being married almost 11 years, together over 13 years, I have to say at times things will be frustrating and you will want the day to end so quickly. You will hope that when you wake up, all the frustration will be gone. I love Landon more now than I did when we were dating. If someone had told me that at 19 I would have laughed in their face, but our love has evolved. That said...we have been through some hell like moments (heck months) I never wish to repeat. I at one point told him (while dating) this will never work and luckily he didn't believe me. I can remember crying because he would rather be with the "boys" than with me or that he wasn't as focused on our family or relationship as he should be, but we got through it. You are in a tough position. You are pregnant and he is free. You have had your freedom while he has been restricted. You are now restricted in a sense because you attached to him forever with the pregnancy and he is now free in the sense he can come and go as he pleases. It will take adjusting, but I am sure you will get through it. Always remember not to accuse, use "I" statements and not "you" statements (even if you REALLY know he is the one with the issue LOL) and think about if you did not have another day. Choose your battles...some are just not worth the fight. Love as though you have never been hurt and don't worry about the "what ifs". (easier said than done, I know) I pray that everything will go according to HIS plan and you and Frank will get through the yucky days and always take time to celebrate the great ones. (hang in there!)

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    1. I like when you weigh in!! I definitely agree that I do feel like the roles have been reversed as far as who is restricted! I know that we will make it through --- I just REALLY want to choke him sometimes!!!! lol! Thank you for your encouraging words and for sharing your experiences, it helps a lot!

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  4. hang in there and follow your heart! do what's best for you and your soon to be little one! but fights are normal.

    xoxo
    Jenna Duty

    www.thedutyfamily.blogspot.com

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