Friday, December 14, 2012


I'm sitting here watching the news.  My baby is in his crib sleeping and I'm not really sure what to do with myself.  Writing this out feels right.

So far the count is at twenty-seven.  Twenty-seven people are dead, the majority elementary aged children.  Why is this happening? How could this happen? Why does this keep happening? I don't understand.

The President is speaking right now, and he's tearing up, because this is real and this is horrifying.  He's saying that we will do anything to help this community, these families... but we can't bring these babies back and that's all they really want.

I think about the innocent little babies, so afraid, not knowing what is going on, seeing a scary man, in excruciating pain, wanting their mama's and daddy's....

I think about the mama's and daddy's who lost their babies today.  They will go home to a tree with presents under it that their baby will never open.  No more goodnight kisses.  No more ice cream stops.  No more snuggles.

My heart can't handle this.  I've been a mess all day.

I want to understand this.  I want to have no doubt in our almighty God.  I want to know in my heart that everything happens for a reason and is a part of His bigger plan.  I'm struggling right now.  I just don't get this.

I held Cooper extra tight today.  I'm going to try to remind myself to do that each day.  I rocked him and sang to him long after he was asleep tonight.  I hold my whole entire life in my arms each day.  If someone took that away from me I would be left with nothing.  I am nothing without my baby.

So many tears. So many prayers.

1 comment:

  1. so horrible. so hard to comprehend how this could happen.