Wednesday, February 27, 2013

COMMUNICATION {living through it / part two}

This is me sharing my current trials and adventure into life as a single mama with all of you.

Communication between two separated individuals that have a child together is a tricky thing.  I don't think it should be, but it definitely is.

I've come to the conclusion that how things end is the telltale for how future communication is going to go.  My best friends parents split years ago after being married for years, from what I know it was fairly mutual and they came to agreements regarding their only child easily and fairly.  For the past fifteen + years they have maintained a healthy friendship for their daughter.  If divorce/separation is going to happen, it needs to go like that.  

It was painstakingly obvious that Frank and I were not happy with one another.  I told him he needed to make changes (STOP DRINKING EXCESSIVELY!), he told me I needed to make changes (STOP NAGGING ME ABOUT DRINKING!), and neither of us could seem to do what the other was requesting of us.  Of course the problems ran much deeper than this, but really, I would say that the true demise of our relationship was over alcohol, sadly.  Like I mentioned previously, he was drunk the night he left (had his parents come pick him up, he keeps it KLASSY!), he was yelling at me and swearing in front of Cooper, I was trying to put Cooper to sleep, he was on the phone with his parents, and then he was gone. 

Our last bit of communication with him living in this house was not good and not surprisingly, our communication since that day has not been good either.

Most days Frank will send me a text in the morning: "how's cooper today?"
I always reply: "he's great!" or "he's good" or "he didn't sleep well last night"

Most afternoons I will call him to see if he is coming to see Cooper.  He usually says: "not today Lib, I'll be there tomorrow as soon as I get off work."  He never comes.

Lately we've been fighting over the money that he promised me (tax return related) that he no longer wants to give me.  He just hangs up on me after he says his piece, I'm not allowed to speak.

I thought as time passed Frank would soften but it has actually been the exact opposite.  He was so nice as first, we were going to co-parent and rock it.  He would ask me about my day, tell me what was going on with him, and so on.  Now he is angry, he is hateful, he name calls, he doesn't show up to see Cooper, and he makes empty promises.  I don't see the bitterness going away.

It haunts me to think that I will have to deal with him and his inconsistence for the rest of my life.  I want him to be in Coopers life 100% or be completely out of his life.

PART THREE: The "Monster" (I know you want an update, it's been forever since I've written about her) She is (unfortunately) a huge part of our current circumstances.

LOULOUMADE <----- My Etsy Shop!

3 comments:

  1. I'm so, so sorry. I truly hope that you two can make the most of co-parenting. I can't begin to understand how it must feel right now. I know looking at your Cooper's beautiful little face helps in the hard times.... my goodness, that is one absolutelly beautiful baby. His eyes are so expressive and I'm finding myself envious of his amazing lashes. Again, willing you strength and that the best possible things come out of this.

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  2. I'm really thankful for your vulnerability with this series. I feel like I'm getting to know you better, getting to walk with you through this, and hoping that my prayers can be as much help as possible. You are such a strong and wonderful Mama!

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  3. Divorces and separations are more often then not nasty. There is a lot of bitterness and resentment and that's why all the name calling and angry words are coming in. Just know that it's not you. He probably has a lot of guilt that he's not able to admit or deal with at the moment so he'll take it out on you and try to blame everyone else but himself for the situation. I say you keep being a great mom to your baby boy, because he is your priority and the rest will resolve itself over time. Also, I would suggest taking some legal matters if he refuses to pay you or help out with Cooper. My parents got divorced when I was two and my mom only took my dad's word for it that he'll help out and never did anything legal about it. She never saw a dime from the man. Just my two cents.

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