Thursday, March 7, 2013

SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE?


What do you think?  Should we talk about something "bad"? 

Cooper was not immaculately conceived, shocker.

I attend church regularly, I believe in God and Godly things, but I don't necessarily think it is wrong to have sex before marriage.  Or should I say that I don't believe that I'm going to hell because of having sex outside of marriage?

My parents never told me that I needed to wait until marriage to have sex, they just told me to wait.  Wait for what? It was up to me to figure out.  We talked about being "safe", virginity being sacred, and being honest to ourselves.  We also agreed not to let Dad find out (but then he did, story for another time?).

I find it amazing when I hear that people waited until marriage, it just seems so rare.  It seems inevitable that they would wonder what sex with other people would be like.  Is that true?  If I had waited until marriage I would not have my Cooper so I am thankful that I did not.  I think having a baby outside of marriage is so hard and definitely do wish that I was married, as I've said in the past.

I hope you guys will speak up because I want to hear what you think. Comment anonymously if you want! It doesn't matter to me!  Did you wait?  If so, was it for religious reasons? If you didn't wait, do you wish you had?

12 comments:

  1. Alright, I hope you don't mind if I bear all here, ha. I wasn't gonna comment, but then I saw your request for people's thoughts, and I love that you said that :) This is such a tricky topic, and I think too often we thing that our view is the only way and forget to accept other's. Atleast I feel as though I've done that in the past. So thank you for your openness!

    For the first 22 years of my life, I did not find it necessary to wait until marriage. Sex was an important part of relationships, I thought. And if I'm being perfectly honest, I KNOW it was by God's will that my view was changed. I 100% know that I NEVER would have changed my mind on my own. I enjoyed sex, it made me feel close to the person that I was with. Of course it did! It's the most intimate thing God ever created!

    Now, my view has changed. I see that God intended it for marriage because of the INTENSE bond it creates with another person. I can absolutely say that sex brings my bond with another person to another level, and when we break up, gosh. It's crushing to me. For me, personally, I also see it important that I not allow habitual sin into my life. I see that because I've seen it tear me down wayyy too many times to count. And let me say that it is EASIER SAID THAN DONE. I struggle, and I have to daily turn to God for help.

    But there's my 2 cents. I think God intended sex for marriage, and our world has spun it into something entirely different. With all of that being said though, I will NEVER judge someone for having sex outside of marriage. As I said, I've done it. And in your situation as well as some of my friends, it brings BEAUTIFUL life into this world that you would never, ever take back. It's just my prayer that God can protect the hearts involved, and intervene as He see fit to care for His beloved children.

    Theee end. I hope you don't mind the novel :)

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    1. Firstly, I love this comment! Thank you for boldly sharing what you believe, I love it so much! You are such an inspiration! I have no idea what I will do about this as far as future relationships go -- I definitely don't want anymore kids out of wedlock lol, but I also don't really want any more notches on my bed post unless it's going to be from the person I'm going to marry soo.. I'm just not sure. I think God intended it for marriage too, it really seems like it has become completed separated from all things religious in todays world.

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  2. We didn't wait but sometimes I wish we had. It just seems so romantic!

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    1. I agree with this so much, it does seem so special and romantic!

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  3. I never believed in waiting. I respect people who believe in that (and kudos to them for the self-control) but it's just not important to me to wait. If anything, I wish I would have waited until I was an older age, but I do not regret it and don't regret the person I "lost it" to. I am currently in a committed relationship and we are moving in together this year and we will (continue to) be sexually active... all before getting married. I don't think I'll go to Hell for this and I'm pretty sure God still loves us both. Now, if I was not in a committed relationship I would not be going around frolicking about from one person's crotch to the next, but if you are in a serious relationship where you plan on marrying that person - I think there's a huge difference there! :)

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    1. Same here! It just wasn't pushed on me. And my friend who was constantly reminded to wait ended up losing her virginity before I did so.. I absolutely agree about waiting until I was older, I do sometimes wish I had done that, but like you I don't regret who I lost it with or anything like that. LOL no crotch frolicking for me either!

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  4. Where to even start with this? First off I am so happy you posted this.. It always seems like talking about sex, especially outside of a marriage is such a no-no in the blogging world.. Which is weird because get a group of real life friends together and it inevitably comes up!

    I was raped in my early teens so the decision was no longer mine to make. I suppose in a perfect world of no sex outside of marriage the we wouldn't have rape and I think we'd all like to see that.. Anyway it took me a long time to share my body with anyone after that.. I didn't want to hug my friends or family or have my skin come into contact with anyone but I slowly returned to some kind of normal and with my first real boyfriend I knew I wanted to have sex because I wanted it to be my choice and I wanted confirmation that it could be good and loving and everything it was supposed to be.
    The sex we had was terrible.. He was a virgin and I couldn't stop shaking. Over a two year relationship we had sex five times, we just couldn't get it to feel good so I thought well maybe I'm just too young ( I was 17) and I'm supposed to be older, married etc..
    But with my next boyfriend my tune changed.. It happened and I liked it and honestly it helped me heal from what had happened in the past.. I did have a period of time where Ifelt guilty because as a Christian I'd always been told to wait for marriage but I couldn't see any harm in it. Reflecting back on my sexual history.. I have regrets but I think I regret the actual relationships more than the sex. There is one as relationship I definitely stayed in too long because the sex was good but honestly, I don't regret not waiting until marriage.. Even after 'the incident' took the choice away I've opted not to obstain.
    I feel like I wouldn't really know someone in a relationship until I'd had sex with them, not just the sex but the other intimacies that come with it, being comfortable around each other naked etc.. I couldn't imagine going into a marriage without that!
    Sorry if I'm rambling on a bit but really I think as long as we are careful enough to protect our hearts a little ( and use protection of the other kind as well ) then I think sex outside of a marriage is a wonderful thing..

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story Kate! I am always so inspired by how brave you are! I really can't imagine going into marriage without it either, and I totally agree about it being a wonderful thing.

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  5. My husband (29yrs) and I (26yrs) both waited until we were married to have sex. It's clear that God intended for sex to happen within the marital arrangement and for good reason. (1 Corinthians 6:18, 1 Thessalonians 4:3) The results of pre marital sex often include worries, insecurities and regrets. However, I don't believe that a person would go to hell if they did engage in premarital sex because I don't believe that the Bible supports the teaching of hellfire. Having said this, we are all accountable to God for our actions.

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  6. i've enjoyed reading these comments/this discussion! not many people talk about this subject openly... i have two young girls and my husband and i always say we want to be able to talk about it with them without shame or embarrassment! my husband and i waited until we got married; he had a party-past and was not a virgin when we met, but he had changed his life around drastically by the time we met and really sought the lord and what he wanted for our relationship. we committed from the very beginning to wait until our wedding night. i could never be more thankful and grateful that we did. i hear people say that they think you need to "test drive the car before you buy it" but i honestly think if you are in love with someone, you're attracted to them, and you have passion in your relationship that will NOT be a problem! it surely has not been for us! we are both committed christians and that was a decision we stuck to.

    i think it's important that churches and other christians refrain from just saying "don't do it!" or throw scripture around, but instead have these open, honest conversations where people can share their stories. i also believe that it's never too late to "start over". i'm so thankful my husband did! and for us, our decision to wait built a really great foundation of trust and oneness in our relationship.

    great conversation! thanks for sharing! your little boy is just precious :)

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    1. I feel the same exact way, with my son and future children I absolutely want it to be an open thing that we can talk about! Thank you for sharing, I think that is so awesome! And how great of your husband to commit to waiting after having already done it before, that must have been challenging!

      I think churches should be doing the same thing, unfortunately in both churches and schools that seems to be exactly what they are saying.

      Thank you :)

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