+ You will bleed for six weeks if your body hates you like mine does. Your body will stop and you will high five yourself and then you will get your period the very next day. (I haven't had a period since that one so.. yay?)
+ As your body shrinks the stretch marks will reveal themselves and you will slap your forehead for thinking that you got away without getting any. And then you will cry because WHAT ABOUT BIKINI SEASON. Old lady suits up in here.
+ If you're nursing you will shock any and everyone with your amazing eating abilities and ever slimming waist. Enjoy it while it lasts. Pretty soon your waist will start to expand again.
+ Your stomach will be squishy until you stop being lazy unless you were born with amazing genes. I was not.
+ You will shed hair forever. Really, my hair fell out for five months after having Cooper. Just as I was about to remove the trap from my shower because I was tired of cleaning it out, my hair stopped falling out. It happened overnight! What!?
OTHER GOOD STUFF:
+ Your baby's poop will singe your nose hairs. Coopers started doing this when he started eat some solids. I'm thinking it's a combination between breastmilk and solids. The sharpest of nastiest smells you will ever smell.
+ Your baby will learn how to scream one day and then never stop. EVER. SCREAMING BABIES ARE SO MUCH FUN! Not.
+ You don't really have to clip your babies toenails. Cooper is nine+ months old and I've never clipped them. And they look great, so boom. Win, win.
+ The first time you clip your baby's fingernails with fingernail clippers you might clip their skin and you will cry worse than they do and then you will throw your clippers away and resort to biting them forever. Oh. Only me?
+ Their sleep patterns are always changing and you will never be on top of it until they are grown. Or age one or something.
+ They will change their eating preferences just to make things harder for you. Yesterday they liked squash and today it is the worst thing in the world. They will also always want what you have.
+ You will love stronger than you've ever loved. You will become the most vulnerable you have ever been. Your life will be taken over in the most amazing way. You will savor ever minute like you never did before. You will be forever changed in the very best way possible because being a mom? It's the best.
What am I missing? I want to know what you didn't expect!