Saturday, May 11, 2013


It was a little beating heart, little hands, little feet, a little nose, little ears, a little body that made me a mama.  It was a miracle.  It was the great gift from God.

Exactly one year ago from tomorrow, May 12th, 2012.

Its hard to comprehend how time goes, how it passes so quickly and nearly leaves you out of breath. Becoming a mama, Coopers mama, and being a mama has been the most incredible experience.  It has been many tears, many joys, many sleepless nights, many bouts of frustration, many anxious moments, many, many, many; and it will be more.  

Thinking about the "job" of a mama, I think of the normal things, like this is more than a full-time job, we have the hardest job, we are the busiest, we are the most tired, and so on.  More than any of that though I think this: our "job" is to kiss boo-boos, it is to put every other task down and hold our baby when he wants to be held, it is growing our baby/child into the best individual we can, it is sacrifice, it is love, it is celebrating.  We have the best hardest "job", sure, but what we really have is the best "job." 

As a mama to a son I feel emotions that I probably wouldn't if I had a daughter.  I tear up thinking about one day being the second best woman in his life.  I have fears about how he will treat his body and the women in his life.  I know that one day I will have to fully open my hands of him and encourage him to let go of my leg and go play soccer with his teammates. I don't think he will be outgoing to begin with, I will want him to keep his little self right beside me but it will be my job to show him that he must be his own person and do his own things.  I will have to gently push him into this big scary world.  I worry that Cooper will not have a good father figure in his life.  The role of a man in a sons life is shoes that a mama just can't fill.  I am thankful for the many positive male role-models that Cooper does have in his life, but none of them are "daddy." 

Tomorrow Cooper and I will celebrate mothers day together.  There won't be any gifts for me.  It won't be filled with anything exciting or out of the ordinary.  Will will play, he will nap, and I will sew.  It will be great though.

I think back to one year ago when my belly was big and I was less than two months away from giving birth.  I was so full of hope for a family of three, a father, a mother, and a son.  My heart still hurts every single day for the loss of my family.  The difference one year makes is incredible. 

Wishing all of you mama's out there the very best Mothers Day.


1 comment:

  1. Happy, happy mother's day! I'm sure Cooper will be giving you lots of messy little kisses today. =)