Monday, July 8, 2013


Cooper James,

I read it best here, what it feels like when your child is born, "you came into the world and brought the sun with you."  There are no truer words.  What was life like before you? I certainly can't remember now, but I remember thinking that just hours after you were born, too.  I went from this person, this college student, this babysitter, this girl in a mangled relationship, this exerciser, this reader, this blogger, this daughter, this auntie, this sister.... to your mama. Anything that I was before you is nothing compared to what I am now because of you.  I am better in all aspects of my life.  I am without something now too though.  My heart resides on the outside of my chest.  It falls, it hits its head, it gets its feeling hurt.  I will never be the same.

(You can read the whole birth story herehere, and here.)

The way you made me stand and bounce you for hours on end.  The way you never slept except for on me.  The way you loved bath time.  The way you were always happiest on your changing table.  The way your smile takes over your whole face.  The colic, oh the colic.  The easy transition to sleeping in your crib.  The way you have, and still do, always want me most.  They are all a part of my love for you.  They are what has grown and changed me, what has shown and led me to this person that I am today.

The other night you grabbed my finger and brought it towards your mouth with a smile on your face, you were waiting for me to say "Ouch! Cooper! Nooo, no!" so that you could laugh and do it again and again.  You didn't want to bite me, you wanted to make me laugh.  You love to make people laugh.  You are the joy that people need in their lives.

I am so excited to celebrate your life today.  Each day I am so thankful for you but today is different.  Today we have made it to a year together.  You first smile, rolling over for the first time, your first word, sitting up for the first time, clapping, waving, crawling, eating, all of the milestone that we have celebrated have gotten us to this point.  I have grown you to one.  One day you will know what happened when you were five months and two days old.  Our life as we knew it was wrecked, except here is the most beautiful thing, it wasn't.  I will teach you about surviving, faith, the importance of family and friend, and determination.  They are what has gotten us to July 8th, 2013 in the shape that we are in.

Baby boy.  You are loved.  You are so loved.  We might go without certain things but there will never be a shortage of love.  I am beyond sad that you are already one but I'd be lying if I said that I am not completely thrilled to see what goodness lies in this next year for you.  I have prayers for good sleep, fun trips, easy teething, and happiness.  I want you to be happy.

You made me a mama, the best role a person could ever play, thank you.

I love you more than ever.



  1. Happy first birthday to Cooper! May you celebrate your big day with lots of cake, love and all the people that love you!! Your last post made me teary. Yes, what a difference a year made. You are so strong, though, and I hope that a year from this day, you can reflect on what amazing things have come to pass for you and Cooper. =)

  2. Happy 1st birthday to your little man Cooper! I just came across your blog from The Chronicles of Ruthie Hart. Reading your story, I just had to say you are doing a GREAT job mama! Making it through that first year is a big milestone, give yourself a big pat on the back.

    Looking forward to reading more in this space :)

    Luana @