....new, the kinda new, the kinda old, and the old readers.
there's a lot of new folks around here lately, hello, new folks! i'm glad you're here and i hope you'll stay because the more the merrier!
i think a run down is in order because a lot of older posts got reverted to drafts due to the sensitivity of my current (really not fun) situation.
in 2011, after years and years of pining after frank but always being at different points in our lives, we reconnected. frank was freshly out of four months spent in jail for a crime that he did not commit (that cost him $20,000 to prove his innocence, oy!) and i was gearing up for a move to athens, ga where i was (and still am) attending college. frank was put on house arrest until his court date, which ended up being eight months of house arrest for no court date because... you guessed it... he was innocent. i love our justice system. anyway, the first eight months of our relationship happened at his house and church, two of the three places he was allowed to be, work being the third. although i had an apartment in athens, i was driving to school and then to frank house each and every day. since i have known his family for years, and his mom is best friends with my aunt, his mom was incredibly nice to me and so thankful that frank finally had a great influence (me) in his life.... for all of two months. things get pretty serious pretty quickly when you're spending all day every day with someone and you can't leave the house. she didn't like the idea of her baby boy loving someone besides her. she started hating me and i started writing a series called "my crazy future MIL", or something catchy like that.
you know what also happened? cooper.
four months into our relationship i was pregnant. i "ruined" stephanie's thanksgiving because the conversation would be "all about the baby" and frank and i entered into freak out mode because at that point it was looking like prison was in his future. i got a due date of july 18th, stephanie warmed up to the idea of a baby girl. we found out i was having a baby boy. in january of 2012 franks charges were dropped. in march of 2012 we moved into our own home. we had problems. serious problems that i blogged too much about. above that though, we had love. i fell in love, really, really in love, with frank within three weeks. he was mine forever, i thought. marriage was in our near future, i thought. we were going to move above and beyond our issues, i thought. i had got frank through one of the hardest points in his life, he would get me through mine, i thought.
cooper was born on july 8, 2012 and it was a perfect first month. the problems crept back in during month two, i thought i didn't love him anymore (post-partum awesomeness), but i wasn't giving up. halloween, thanksgiving, christmas -- all wonderful. january 10, 2013 frank decided he was done. cooper was 5 months and 2 days old. it was a thursday night, he had been drinking, and he left and never came back.
i didn't cook dinner enough, i didn't clean enough, we weren't having sex enough, cooper cried too much. that's what he said, anyway.
i started my etsy shop in january. i continued going to school. i got my feelings hurt a lot. i cried. i felt brave. i felt afraid. i feel lonely. i'm happy. i'm not. i begged for things to be different. i prayed. i got angry with God. i prayed some more. he's been gone 7 months and 13 days. he hasn't seen cooper in one month and ten days. i graduate college in may 2014. one year later than i was supposed to, but i'm graduating. franks engaged to a girl with a son a little older than my cooper.
here is the most important part of our story:
i have cooper. our future is so bright and i am just now really seeing that. just because i'm a single mom doesn't mean that my life is a big black hole forever, it just seemed like that for a little while. was it part of Gods plan for us to not have frank in our lives? i guess so. i am so thankful that i started blogging when i did. my biggest joys and sorrows have been expressed through words that i can choose to reminisce on, or not. and the best part: it's just the beginning. i'm going to keep blogging as my shop keeps growing, through finishing college, through starting to date and hopefully finding the perfect man for cooper and i. i'm going to keep blogging about the highs and the lows, because that's what i've been doing and it's working for me. i'm going to keep writing letters to cooper and attempting to put together cute outfits. or something. i'm a mom blogger through and through, guilty as can be.
i hope you'll follow along, offer words of advice, be my friend?