I'm learning a very real and important lesson lately. Saying "no" is not only okay, but good. You have to say no to people and things sometimes. It is not selfish, it is not wrong, it is not bad.
I know I'm one among many (bless all of you sharing these shoes!), but my plate is full. I actually have food falling all over the floor but I can't get to my broom to clean it up because more food would surely fall on the floor. Between nannying thirty hours a week, being a mom to Cooper 24/7, studying for the biggest exam of my life (LSAT), running Lou Lou Made, trying to workout three times a week, trying to eat out less, and trying to keep my house clean I am running on fumes.
I was thinking tonight as I sewed and sewed and sewed (and sewed!) that I need to start saying no more and not feel bad about it. No I can't make that custom order, no I can't help you with that today, no a home cooked meal isn't happening tonight, no we can't go to Game Time today Cooper, no I can't possibly commit to one more thing. I have to stay sane and I feel a burnout coming on so I'm going to say no more and it is okay. I won't have to say no to certain things forever, this is a chapter, but for now I am.
Last year there was a period of time where I was averaging four hours of sleep each night. I had bags under my eyes everyday, zero patience for Cooper, and I could not function without napping while Cooper napped. It was terrible. I physically felt terrible. I emotionally knew I was not being my best for Cooper. Boom --- burnout. I lost all drive to sew for a couple weeks and had to make myself keep going. I don't want to hit another burnout. It is coming though. I quickly made a plan tonight to work my tail off this week and then take this weekend for me and Cooper. We will not worry about my work, we will not worry about the house, not studying, we will just have fun. I can't wait.
Everything I do is for Cooper. He is everything. He needs a sane and functioning momma.
So if you ask me to do you a favor I'm probably going to tell you no. It is not out of spite, it is not because I'm lazy, it is because I care about myself and who I am being for my son and right now I just have to say no. I have always had a terribly hard time telling people no, it made me feel so guilty even though I get told no all the time, but I'm working past that.
If we are going to take care of others and be the wonderful people we need to be than we need to take care of ourselves, we need to be in the right mind frame to be wonderful. Self-care is not self-ish.
Cooper turns three in less than three months. I'm planning out his birthday party and his birth DAY and it all feels surreal. I almost have a three year old, whaaaat? I'm going to write about him soon because there's a lot to get down (like how he was poking me in the butt and loudly saying "this is your booty! hahahha" in Subway tonight. This kid, I'm tellin' ya.